Unluckily for Merton, I'm once again not standing for Parliament in the coming election!

This means you'll get no weasel words, false promises, or ridiculous accusations from me. Better still, I'll not be chatting you up at any famous supermarket.

However, here's some free advice, passed on by my old grandma: ignore all politicians until May is out.

But when it's all over, Britain will still owe money-lenders billions, we shall still continue to give away fortunes of the stuff, some to weird dictatorships, and we'll still spend on HS2 and Trident.

Worse - contributions to Brussels officials will continue, supporting these chauffeur-driven Mercs, fillet steak and French wine types, and we'll still be paying 650 MPs when we only need half that number!

But whatever else you do, make sure you at least vote. You owe that much to the UK and Merton.

John Ingham SW19